Regret
July 14th, 2011 § 5 Comments
Oh the skin I’m in…
Who could love this body?
Stretch marks rippling across most of my body. They look sooo painful and ugly. Sometimes I mistake that pain and that ugliness for beauty because I feel like my stretch marks tell a story. But then I think about my husband (should God bless me with one that is) how could he love this body? It looks old, and used and abused. Second hand, worn and literally torn.
Because of my indiscipline or whatever, I will rob him of the opportunity to EVER have a beautiful wife with beautiful smooth skin. If he rubs his hands over my body will he recoil in disgust? When the light falls on my skin and illuminates the network of stretch marks weaving their way across my body, will he wish he stare, repulsed? Will he look at me like a sideshow attraction? ‘Step right up, see the amazing quilted woman!’
I won’t be able to wear a strapless/sleeveless dress because my arms are covered in stretch marks. Forget a two piece or anything midriff baring. Forget wearing something backless, or a neckline that exposes my chest which also is cracked like streets crippled by earthquakes.
Oh the skin I’m in…
Who could love a body like this?
YOU get to love your body for what it is and not beat yourself up for history. You are making changes…and despite the wrinkles and stretch marks…..you still have legs that are strong….they have carried around a lot of weight for a lot of years…you have hands that have not been idle, arms that have carried heavy loads, shoudlers that have bore great burdens….all things to be proud of…keep pressing on friend….you got this thang, YO!
i got this thang yo, huh? lol….sigh, thanks for the encouragement but sigh, i don’t know Kim, sometimes i look at myself and I just feel disgusted. how could i do this to an innocent man lol? how could i ‘make’ him love this?? how could he love it? sometimes i feel so ugly…and it hurts because i know stretch marks don’t disappear, so it’s like a life sentence….how can i develop a more healthy self image when i look like this?? =(
You never “make” someone love you. Love is a choice. And he has chosen to love you, just how you are.
And I guarantee he is not the only person that loves you. You are beautiful, inside and out. Sometimes, the mirror makes us feel like shit. It is a straight up asshole. But the past is what we learn from. Some people have scars, burns, stretch marks, and the owner may hate them, but all of those things are overlooked by people who can see true beauty. Those who can’t, aren’t worth your time.
<3
Lol Jocey, I knew it would only be a matter of time before you saw this and thumped me over the head for thinking this way! I understand everything you’ve said and some days I actually don’t mind all the stretch marks but then others, omg, it’s like i just want to peel off all my skin and start over! i really hope that i’m blessed with a guy who chooses to love me for what i am on the inside and isn’t repulsed by what he sees or feels on the outside. i hope he can appreciate that the stretch marks tell a story and can see the beauty in that =)
only because I luv ya!!