ma’am
i’m 22 years old…stop calling me ma’am!
i was in the hair salon this morning and this guy came in and started talking to the hairdresser who as attending to me all playfully and then he stopped short, as if catching himself surprised at his disrespect and rudeness. He then held me ever so gently on the shoulder, looked deep into my eyes and in the sincerest voice i’ve ever heard said, ‘good morning ma’am’
don’t get me wrong, it’s refreshing to meet a man with manners these days lol but I AM NOT A MA’AM. i’m 22 years old for Pete’s sake! this stinkin’ weight makes me look older i know, and i don’t dress ‘young’ and ‘carefree’ i suppose- because they just refuse to make beautiful clothes in plus sizes. i’ve been called ma’am since i was about 15 years old!!
c’mon world…i know it’s not your fault, i know you can’t tell that i’m younger but c’mon! i’m 22. i’m young. i feel young inside and when you call me ‘ma’am’ i feel crummy.
how can a guy ever be attracted to me this way? what am i gonna look like when i actually AM a ‘ma’am’?? will i ever be called ‘miss’???will guys never help me lift things (like i always pretend NOT to see them doing for thin ‘fragile’ beautiful girls? will they always assume that because of my size i can lift it myself??? well newsflash…just like the fragile beautiful girls i CAN lift it myself but maybe i just don’t want to!! maybe i want YOU to lift it for me- to make me feel dainty, and girly, and soft and taken care of.
like the song says, “tell me who, wants to look back on their youth and wonder where those years have gone”.
oh i could cry.
mind over matter
wow…today i got things back on track and i gotta say it feels GOOD!
only one day back and it’s almost like my mind and body are breathing a collective sigh of relief!
I went to the gym tonight and banged out 45 mins of cardio and strength and enjoyed it! Don’t get me wrong- it burned! LOL…while i was on the elliptical i felt like i was gonna pass out but i knew that that particular episode was a mind over matter game. SO right now it’s Lily:1; Total lack of self discipline: 0 and i’m in it to win it!
Paul in the Bible said that he would beat his body until it became his slave and i will do the same thing! I will train, exercise and eat my body into willing or unwilling submission. When I feel like eating garbage, i’m going to choose to eat right. When my mind KNOWS I can do at least 1280 strides in 15mins on the elliptical but my body wants to quit halfway, I will push it. When I fall off the wagon, I’ll dust myself off and get back on because really i will learn nothing until and unless i learn how to pick myself up and start all over again!
there is too much at stake to let a whole day’s/week’s/month’s/year’s worth of good work go to waste!
are you with me? let’s do this! be encouraged!
| 8-Feb | |
| Breakfast | |
| 1 slice ww bread | 2 |
| 1 slice bologna | 1 |
| Snack | |
| Lunch | |
| 3/4 cup ’spanish rice’ | 4 |
| 1 cup soup w/ dumpling | 3 |
| Snack | |
| 1 dumpling | 3 |
| 1 slice ww bread w/ >1 tbs guava jam | 2.5 |
| Dinner | |
| 2 hotdogs | 12 |
| Snack | |
| Remaining Points | 3.5 |
| Total | 27.5 |
new resolve
ok…so i’ve really slacked off this past week but for good reasons! i haven’t been feeling well and then it finally climaxed the last two days with a flu out of nowhere! so i think i went to the gym once this week and stayed home and did a half hearted workout another day.
i don’t feel 100% better but i do feel markedly better today and i’ve resolved to get back on track!
i’ve been looking over and thinking about my points tables and blog over the past 2 months and i saw all the great progress i made and i mean, nothing is worth UNdoing all that good work! i can’t imagine how disappointed i may be when i step on the scale tomorrow morning. but you know, i hope that this is the last time i have to write a note like this. if ever i dread stepping on a scale again because i think i’ve gained weight, it should be because i’ve added muscle not because i’ve fallen off the wagon!
wish me luck!
off to the gym
i’m not feeling too well tonight but i’m hoping to crank out at least 30 mins cardio…anything will help really. i’m finding it difficult to get back on track fully but oddly enough i’m still not going completely overboard. i dunno, i don’t like this middle/limbo feeling. i think i prefer to either be overeating OR eating well…not this weird mix.
I guess it’s sorta like how i feel about winter. I prefer it to be snowing OR hailing. Sleeting OR raining. I prefer one of the extremes as opposed to ‘wintry mix’- you know that identity crisis sort of weather??
lol i know i’m not making much sense, perhaps after a good workout there will be enough blood in my brain to regain proper function in the Lily-machine.
points
| 3-Feb | |
| Breakfast | |
| 1/2 waffle | 2 |
| 1 egg | 2 |
| Snack | |
| 1 pk Axelrod fat free strawberry banana yogurt | 2 |
| Lunch | |
| 1 cup mac and cheese | 6 |
| Snack | |
| 2 pk ovaltine biscuits | 10 |
| Dinner | |
| 1/2 beef patty | 3 |
| mac and cheese | 6 |
| Snack | |
| Remaining Points | 0 |
| Total | 31 |
i’m back!
ok…so after about a week long hiatus from daily writing, i’m back!
don’t panic! i didn’t fall off the wagon again…completely.
here’s what happened.
well…we’ve been pretty busy around the house with this and that recently and i guess cooking sorta took the back seat. SOOOOOOOOOOOOO we ended up having KFC about 3 times, let’s see what else…some Caribbean/Island fast food about four times, VARIOUS rich cakes 2…3 times and i’ll just say ‘miscellaneous fast food’ to fill in the blanks.
W-O-W…i’m surprised i’m still breathing!
BUT i still tried to keep it on track for the most part. Unfortunately, i neglected to write down all my points for the week (i was just feeling too lazy to bother) so…i didn’t have much to write about last week in that regard.
i have HOWEVER, kept on going to the gym and am still noticing great changes in my body! I really think the exercising was my saving grace this past week because weight in was today and i honetly was expecting to have regained EVERYTHING i lost over the past MONTH (woohoo! it’s been a month!!!) BUT, thank GOD i ONLY regained ONE POUND!! and i really do feel like a large part of that pound is muscle!
Overall, i’m pretty happy with the result. hopefully i will get everything back on track, eating wise, in the next few days! but i gotta be honest….there’s still cake left int he fridge!! it’s about to die and will deserve a proper burial.
points
| 2-Feb | |
| Breakfast | |
| 2 slices high fiber bread | 2 |
| >1/4 cup vienna sausage | 1 |
| Snack | |
| 1 pk ovaltine biscuits | 5 |
| Lunch | |
| 1 beef patty | 6 |
| Snack | |
| 1/2 slice rum raisin cake | 4 |
| Dinner | |
| 2 cups rice/mac & cheese | 8 |
| Snack | |
| 1 pk ovaltine biscuits | 5 |
| Remaining Points | 0 |
| Total | 31 |
points
| 1-Feb | |
| Breakfast | |
| 2 slices high fiber bread | 2 |
| 1 slice veggie cheese | 1 |
| 3 slices 65% less fat turkey bacon | 3 |
| Snack | |
| 1 toaster strudel | 4 |
| Lunch | |
| 1.5 cups cookup rice | 8 |
| Snack | |
| 1 pk recreo cookies | 4 |
| Dinner | |
| 4 slices high fiber bread | 4 |
| 2 slices veggie cheese | 2 |
| 6 slices 65% less fat bacon | 6 |
| Snack | |
| Remaining Points | -3 |
| Total | 34 |
oh my gosh!!
oh my gosh!! ok this is HOT off the press people, it happened less than a minute ago!!
I just woke up and was changing out of my pajamas and into my ‘house skirt’ i suppose. the thing about this particular skirt is that is was blood-stoppingly tight a week ago when i first started wearing it, but i just pulled it up high and zipped it up and wore it anyways, who’d know the difference right? so everyday i would put on this skirt and it took considerable energy to zip it up, so i’d find myself actually tugging at the zipper to get it zipped.
i come this morning, grab the skirt, pull it up and start pulling on the zipper with the force i usually employ and it just shot up and my hand flew up towards my chin!! are you with me here people?!
the skirt fits! i mean it just fits!! on my waist! it fits!! whaaaaaaaaat?! how could this be?! i don’t understand i can’t see any difference at all! and the skirt fits!!
wow! just….wow!
elementary math
i lost another 3 lbs this week!!! i’m more happy today than i was here because now i’m seeing so clearly that 3 and 3 = 6! all these ‘little’ losses add up to make the large loss i want and Lord willing will see with time!
i can’t wait to hit 10lbs lost, my first big goal! thanks for all the encouragement people! it’s helping lb by lb
